September 21, 2010

Little Women and Gentle Men

When it comes to face-down offers on the table, I thought women therapists would have the best stories. Oooh my, I was mistaken.

Well, OK, the female therapist who told me she was propositioned by the rabbi was a good one. It was during one of those long holiday weeks and there was a religious group staying at the hotel where she worked. Rabbis are pretty busy blessing food and saying prayers and other things, and then they get a break after everybody checks out. The rabbi came in for a massage and asked her what the difference was between massaging one area versus another…i.e. down there versus the shoulders…..then he tried the old “who would know?” God knows, she answered. I must say her story, for lack of another word, left me in titters.

The diaper change got me too. This lady who looked like about 70 dropped off her husband, who was 90-something, and said “Keep him here as long as you want. I need a nap.”

When the therapist came into the room to start the massage she noticed he was wearing a diaper. Halfway through what she thought would be a 90-minute to two-hour massage, the gentleman asked for some help achieving Nirvana. She told him you can’t always get what you want, but sometimes you get what you need. Tee-hee.

Heck, perhaps not so dramatic, yet it happens to pretty much every therapist. Someone hints, asks, propositions or demands items not on the menu. So I bravely asked some of my male therapist friends for their proposition stories. I figure they must have a few good ones.

One fellow who worked at a gym had a massage room in the male locker room, alleviating the need for modesty from the clients. A client asked him what he did for fun, in a way that begged the answer.

“I drill,” he replied, and he did just that for an hour.

I was shocked. “You drilled him?”

“Yes. I pushed on every trigger point in his body at plus-ten pressure. Guy didn’t even breathe.”

“Oh. I thought you meant something else,” I said.

A male therapist who worked at a spa said he had a female client asking him to come to her house. He was too afraid to say yes, knowing he could get fired. After about her fifth visit he figured she could not be a pro shopper, and he said yes.

“When I went to her house, she opened the door and laughed when she saw I had my table,” he said. “I thought she actually wanted a massage!”

It is different for men, I guess.

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