Practical Plotting

My business has been doing a lot of interviewing lately, so I've been doing a lot of practical massages. Or having them done to me, as the case may be. Which is not, perhaps, as delightful as it sounds. In a practical massage, I can't just zone out: I have to listen, feel, weigh, measure, and think about how this person and her massage might add to our team.

In addition, since I'm most interested in adding another "true" deep tissue person to the team, I've been asking specifically for deep tissue massage, and not always getting it. Now, telling someone she's not what you're looking for in a delicate and sensitive way is sometimes a challenge, particularly since I have a lot of empathy for often anxious, interviewing therapists. And even if I asked for deep tissue and still got a massage that felt like I was being skated on by dragonflies, I'm still sensitive to the therapist's feelings. Up to a point . . .

The point in one massage came for me when in "letting her down easy," a therapist got very upset, stating that she thought she already had the job. This honestly concerned me, and I asked her what we had said to lead her to believe this, so that we would have no such misunderstandings in the future. She said it was because we had said in the first part of the interview that we needed someone immediately. I replied that we did indeed need "someone" immediately, but we had to do practicals before we could determine which "someone" was right for us. She then made a veiled suggestion that some massage businesses (perhaps even us?) used practicals as a way of "getting free massages." As you might guess, that was when my empathy well ran dry. I remained polite, but stated that we were much too busy trying to run and staff a business to plot ways to get free massage.

In my opinion, all but accusing a potential employer of trying to get a "free massage" is not a good way to endear yourself to said employer. But I can't stop wondering: Does that really happen? Are there some businesses out there using practicals as a means of getting free massage. Surely not . . . right? If anyone has an opinion on this, feel free to weigh in.

The Coffee Joint

Saturday one of my clients was asking about aromatherapy, and I gave her a few pointers for home use and recommended an aromatherapy reference book I thumbed through at Barnes & Noble. "Wow, you really have a lot of knowledge about this," my client said. I love those ego boosting compliments. It’s a great part of the job being a massage therapist. But I was taken back to just the Sunday before...

It’s about 8 a.m. and I am driving from my home in Orange County to Encino, for an all-day Sunday continuing education class in massage therapy. It’s not the far side of the moon, but for many people living in greater Los Angeles, driving to the Valley is like driving to the far side of somewhere.

I had a cup of coffee at my house which had really worn off by the time I drove through downtown, passed Universal City and found my exit at Sepulveda Blvd. I have been to enough continue education classes in massage to know that if they have any snacks at all, it’s going to be all soy milk and raw veggies. I wanted a stiff coffee in hand so my colleagues could silently disapprove.

Just down the street from the class, they had a McDonald’s. Yuck. Too hot and too weak. Then I saw a big sign: “The Coffee Joint.” Underneath it, a big neon sign that said “Open.” I pulled in to the parking lot and found myself looking at a decidedly unusual brew stop. The windows were blocked by floor to ceiling vertical blinds, kind of like the kind I have in my therapy room at the office.

There were three signs in the window that said “Open” I got out of the car and tried the door. It was locked. I’m not too awake, of course, so I’m standing there for a minute or two pulling on the door handle just in case it’s sticky. Then I’m trying to peer through the closed blinds. A couple drove up in a tiny rental car and parked right by the door. I looked. The man was sitting in the passenger seat. He looked like a ‘hood rat. The woman was driving. There was just something about her that said ‘hood princess. We stared at each other for a minute.

I tried the door handle again while they stared at me. Befuddled and irritated, I went back into my car and left so I would not be late for my class.

Odd as all that was, I didn’t think much of it at the time. Later that week, the 11 o’clock news was announcing a new ordinance by Los Angeles County. The video included a picture of businesses coming under the ordinance. “The Coffee Joint” flashed by on the screen.

I’d been pulling on the door handle of a medical marijuana dispensary.

I kind of like the compliments I get from clients, and the ego boost and all that. But I must admit I am capable of eating the occasional helping of humble pie. My spousal unit really enjoyed that story. I’m still working on that slice of pie.

Connecting, Communicating, and Becoming the Drop of Water that Forms a Canyon

Miscommunication. It happens sometimes. A client recently told me about how her poor little toy poodle accidentally feel in the icy cold backyard swimming pool the other day. Rushing him into the house wrapped in a towel, she shrieked up the stairs to her husband, "Hey!! Dottie fell in the pool!" To which he called back, "Okay, bring me back a coupla bear claws will ya?" More shrieking followed on her part, to which he replied, having finally heard her and run down the stairs, "I thought you said you were going to the store!" As awful as all this must have been to poor shivering Dottie, you have to admit the humor in it . . . frankly, I laughed so hard, I almost swallowed my tongue.

Miscommunication in massage can be awful too, and much less laughable. Or perhaps I should say "lack of communication" instead of "miscommunication." Someone asked me once what I thought was the most important factor in building clientele and retaining clientele outside of giving a damn good massage. "Listening," I replied. "Listening to the client, and what she says to you about her pain, about her life, about her stress. Listening to the eyes in your head and to the eyes in your palms and fingertips. Listening to your gut. And then when you're done listening, there's the caring. Because if you listen and they sense that, and you care, and they sense that, then they will come back again and again. And their pain will improve, their lives will improve, in both direct and indirect ways. And you as the therapist will be like one of the little drops of water that over a millenia carve a canyon.

I truly believe that to be successful, true to your life's purpose, you must communicate and connect with clients. There are a zillion massage therapist in Washington state. Why should any given client "land" with you? Communicate, connect, and find out. I've been lucky enough to work with many excellent therapists each as different as one snowflake to another. But the ones who had large, loyal clienteles were communicating, connecting, listening, caring. Not all in the same ways, mind you. Loud and bright, quiet and subdued, strong and light handed, etc., etc. All different. All wonderful with human beings. All diggging out a canyon of healing with drops of water in an often parched world.

For a caring, involved therapist, communicating, connnecting, listening, and caring are generally not that hard. But everyone has bad days, tired days. Everyone occassionally ends up with that client that makes her think, "Good lord, why is this person being such an ass?" When I find myself in such places, I pray, "Goddess, take my hands and work through me, because you know things I don't and I am emptied out" or "Universe, this guy is really being mean, but I love him if only as a child of God, and so please let me give him the best massage I can." In this way, there is still a thread of communication and connection. The recipients of "tired" massages are still thrilled, and even "mean people" are feeling much more benelovent at the end of the session.

There is a last part to caring that I don't want to leave out here: ask the client to come back. And don't just ask her to come back, tell her honestly how often YOU think it would be good for her to come back based on the results of all your listening. It's the same as having a potential friend over for a visit. If you say, "We should do this again sometime" and mean it, it'll give that person a warm glow that, "Okay, I need to go to bed now; drive safe" just won't.

Communicate, connect, listen, care. Do these things and your clientele will flow to and keep on flowing to you. And you will not only make a living, you will make a difference.

The Best Compliment

Sometimes you get the nicest compliments from clients when they don’t say a word.

So it was Friday when a client came in after a hell week at work, plopped on the table and pointed at the right side of his neck.

A few minutes after getting his lymph flowing and addressing the rebar in the area where his trap and posterior scalenes should have been, the big thank you came.

“Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz….”

Gee, I felt good.

What is the best compliment you have ever gotten from a massage client? Come on now, you know we kind of live for them. They are a blast. I bet when someone does a great job on some horribly long commercial litigation case, the client doesn’t often give up a hug.

I’ve gotten hugs. Tips, yeah they are great. But that spontaneous expression of total relaxation followed by a good nap? I love the sound of good buzz-saw snore.

So what does it take to really snore up a storm? I had a therapist friend once who would get crabby if the clients fell asleep. “She fell asleep while I was working on her SCMS!”

I’d like to think it was a compliment, not exhaustion. Not too many people will let you play with their violin strings like that.

Catching those Zzzzzzzzz on the table came at the end of a long week of fun, feel-good moments. One lady I wasn’t sure of at all – fibromyalgia, lots of accidents, lots of angst - called back after a detox lymph massage to say she felt reborn. Usually massages give her the flu-feelings for a few days. Not this time.

We talked for a bit before doing her second massage about modulating moods and fatigue with breathing and mindfulness. She had heard about these things before, but I got the sense she was connecting the dots.

“I feel really good. I’m impressed!” she said.

Now if I can only get her to drop into the Zzzzz-zone.

I like nothing if not a challenge. And it sure beats commercial litigation.

The Flake Factor

Are massage therapists flaky as a demographic? Someone asked me that question recently: another therapist, actually. We were shaking our heads over tales of therapists not showing up for shifts; therapists throwing fits over one client too many, or one client too few, or one client too pregnant; therapists simply disappearing into the sunset, destination unknown.

Personally, though extremely sensitive and empathic, I'm almost as un-flaky as they come, and so probably unqualifed to answer this question. I've almost never been late, and it generally takes an act of God to even get me near being late. I've never not showed up for a shift, never disappeared on an employer. That would unprofessional, and in my up-bringing, simply unthinkable. I would be mortified to let my clients down, my employer down, my teammates down. Even thinking of being the cause of that kind of panic, disappointment, and havoc gives me guilty shivers. And I know many therapists just like me in this way.

On the other hand, there's no denying there's more than a handful of therapists out there who are flakier than homemade pie crust. And I can't deny that whenever we hire a new person at my place of business, I send up a silent prayer: "Oh please God, let her be dependable and sane. Oh please, oh please." I don't want someone who hires on and then gives notice in two weeks to go to Bali. Or disappears and ends up in Bali. But you can only plan ahead so far and so well. Working both in the corporate world and in the academic world showed me that a person can give a wonderful interview and be a lousy employee or vice versa.

Still . . . lousy or not, corporate and academic employees rarely no-show or just disappear. Why? Probably because they'd get fired and lose their income and benefits. Which, yes, would happen in massage too, only flaky therapists don't seem to be very moved by such punishments. Nor are they moved by the shame of letting clients down and teammates down. I find such behavior disgusting, but it exists and occurs often enough that it should not surprise me anymore . . . and yet it does.

Which, I guess, still doesn't answer the question about the flake factor/percentage in our chosen field. I would like to think that among SERIOUS therapists--those of us who feel we have a gift, purpose, calling, etc.--the flake factor is low. We can be "odd," or "unique," or "foo-foo," and still not be flaky. As to the rest . . . I wish they'd choose another profession. And not tarnish the image of ours.

Mix and Match: Light to Deep

At my place of business, we use a level system of 1-4 to describe the depth and intensity of a given therapist's typical massage style. Recently, I interviewed a job candidate who had never heard of this system and wanted me to explain it. "Well," I said, musing, "Think of Level 1 like someone sweeping you with a feather duster and Level 4 more like a run-in with Helga the Prison Mistress. And Levels 2 and 3 as steps in between." Overly simplistic, yes; especially since once you've been working as a massage therapist for a long while, you realize that there are levels within levels. For example, no Level 2 therapist is ever the same so no Level 2 massage is ever really just 2: it can be 2.3 or 2.5 or 2.8.

However, even though the level system may not always be spot-on accurate, it does serve as some sort of guideline. We keep a coffee-table book for clients that contains each therapist's profile, and each profile clearly indicates what level each therapist works at. In addition, our front staff makes an honest effort to match incoming clients to particular therapists whenever there are special depth requests (and that means light or deep). I believe that this is a good thing: for example, no one who requests a really deep tissue massage wants to end up with a Level 1 therapist.

Not all businesses use the level system, though, or even go to the trouble to match clients with appropriate therapists. I've worked at places where clients requesting serious deep tissue were paired with Level 1 and 2 therapists, simply because those therapists were the only ones available at that time and the business wanted to book the slot at any cost. In my opinion, the cost could be losing a client: if you specifically ask for something, and you pay for it, you rather expect to get it.

Some people would try to justify the above by arguing that defintions of deep tissue differ greatly. Boy, do they (read a bit of sarcasm here). Just about every therapist I've ever known listed "deep tissue massage" on his or her resume, whether or not he or she actually practiced it. And who gets to decide what is deep? The person with the most common sense, maybe? There are levels of deep, but we all know the difference between deep and light. We just do. Light is not deep no matter how much you wish it was. And I have met many an unhappy client out there who has ended up on a table either wishing for deeper or praying for lighter.

Maybe some sort of universal level system in massage wouldn't be so bad. It seems to me that using such systems to match clients with therapists would make for happier clients and more ethical business practice across the board.

Weighing Choices for New Year's Resolutions

This is generally the worst time of year for manipulative ads on weight loss. Whether it's pills, diets, or gym memberships, you can count on TV strangers in spandex or bikinis telling you that THIS year you absolutely HAVE to have their products in order to make your New Year's resolution come true. Well, guess what air-brushed spandex/bikini people? I never played with Barbie dolls, and New Year's resolutions for weight loss almost never come true . . . plus, they bore me spitless.

It might be different if all this weight-loss frenzy were truly based on health concerns, but often it's just based on vanity and cultural anxiety. And I've seen the damage such frenzy does both in my own early life and in the lives of the people, particularly the women, who end up on my massage table. Makes me wonder . . . unless a person is so morbidly obsese his life or quality of life is in danger, is losing weight something all that important to resolve do?

Consider this little story: When I was in massage school, I continued to teach English to make ends meet. I had a Japanese student who was an advanced speaker of English, so I tended to work with her using articles and essays to improve her spoken English. One day, I found a news article written about how thoughts on women's weight differs from culture to culture. The geographical focus of this article was the African country of Niger, a place I was somewhat familiar with, having worked on girls' education projects there when I was in non-profit. And in Niger, girls really, really, really want to be . . . FAT. Yes, they WANT to be as fat as they can possibly get. Regular little "butterballs" as my father used say.

A story like this can really turn your world upside down if you were raised to set goals for seeing your own skeleton in the mirror. My Japanese student and I were surprised and amused to read about a gathering of teenage girls in a beauty shop, where the most popular girl in town was also the fattest. This girl said things like, "That girl over there is pretty, but she can never gain weight." Other girls whispered that they wished they could be as fat as the head girl so that they could be popular and make the best marriages. One average-sized girl said she was happy the way she was, but she might try to put on at least 10 to 15 pounds, just to look good and be healthy. The author noted that the richer the man in Niger, the more huge women he gathered around him, as weight is a sign of health and weatlh. Anyone seeing a reverse pattern here?

And then, there was a darker side to the story. Women weren't just eating more food to get fat, because in many cases, food was limited. Instead, they were taking animal steroids--an extremely dangerous practice--in order to beef up. Animal steroids are banned for human use, of course, but the black market trade in Niger still does a brisk business, especially before holidays and special occasions. You can't have the family thinking you're a weakling or that your husband's a bad provider, after all! One doctor who treats such women stated something to the effect of, "The world is crazy. In American women have everything, and try to look like they have nothing. Here, women have nothing and want to look like they have everything."

In considering such a story, losing 20-30 pounds as a New Year's resolution doesn't seem so important. Personally, I'd rather resolve to donate monthly to a charity I like called Operation Smile for kids born around the world with cleft palate. Or make sure all of my recyclables actually make it into the recycling bin, not the trash.