As I was leaving a massage room the other day, I almost literally ran into one of my favorite coworkers who had stopped short in the middle of the hallway. She looked both startled and confused. “What’s the matter?” I asked, concerned. She blinked at me, then burst out: “I farted! Should I say something?” Then she giggled . . . a little madly, I thought. “Uh, well,” I said, realizing she was expecting an answer, “as you know, in the South, ladies don’t . . . do that. Or at least they pretend they don’t. So if they do, they act like they didn’t and basically don’t call attention to it at all. Does that make sense?” She thought about that. “Okay,” she said, and went on her way.A few days later, the same therapist and I were in a workshop. The teacher asked if anyone had any general questions before we began. My friend held her hand up. “Yes?” the teacher asked. “What do you do if someone farts?” my friend asked. The teacher looked at her blankly, and I put my head in my hands. “I’m not sure I understood the question,” the teacher replied. “If you mean, what would I say, I guess it would depend on the client. I might ignore it, or I might say ‘that was a good release.’ In any case, it’s a natural thing.” “I know,” my friend replied. “I just want to know what to do.”
I’ve been thinking about this question, and it causes me to realize just how fastidious I am in some ways. I can’t really even say “fart,” and I can barely even write the word down. In spite of the fact that ladies like my mother didn’t fart (of course) she still taught me to say “pass gas” so that I could have words to describe something that lesser humans might do. And no matter how many times they told us in massage school to expect lots of farting, I can face it, but I can’t say it. I may be a professional, but I almost feel that if I acknowledged a fart and used the f-word to describe it, 2700 miles away, my poor mother would faint. So I guess I’ll let my friend be the brave one for now . . . and keep on being lady-like!*
*(meaning, in this case, graciously and concertedly clueless).
3 comments:
My first thought at reading the title was that this was an article about the Feldenkrais Method. I wrote a blog article with the title 'The F-word', about how
the mere utterance of the word 'feldenkrais' causes confusion on people's faces...similar to a fart.
Carry on....lol.
I hold in my farts until my stomach starts growling loudly and gives me away. Most of the time, I pretend like neither of us (the client or myself) can hear. Other times, I say: "Oh, I'm sorry, I must be hungry."
If my client farts and it REEKS, I just spray febreeze and keep massaging as if nothing ever happened.
LOL. Thanks for both of these posts. It ocuured to me after reading them that both "Feldenkrais" and "Febreze" begin with "L." There are probably many other "F-Words" one could write about, huh? For example, massage therapists certainly do use a lot of Febreze and/or similar products. I fervently hope we don't find out in ten years that it's incredibly toxic :-)
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