Don't You Love Me Anymore?: Referring Clients to Other Massage Practitioners

I have always been very comfortable referring clients to other health care practitioners, such as chiropractors and acupuncturists. I feel that many other forms of healing are complementary to massage, and most therapists I know feel the same way. Referring a client to a chiropractor for structural issues, for example, should never make a massage practitioner feel “less than.” After all, the goal is to get the patient out of pain in the most effective way possible.

However, feelings can sometimes change when it comes to referring to other MASSAGE practitioners. Then various issues have been known to emerge, such as:

1. The therapist can feel ashamed: “She wants Reiki? Stupid me, I only specialized in deep tissue, lomi lomi, cranial-sacral, and Rolfing . . . I completely forgot Reiki! Is that the energy thing or the foot thing? Stupid me . . .”

2. The therapist can feel hurt: “Reiki? We were doing just fine with deep tissue, and now she wants someone to wiggle their fingers at her or mash her toes or something?”

3. The therapist can feel fearful: “Am I becoming outdated? Will people stop coming to see me if I don’t do Reiki? Because I was never good with that kind of . . . thing.”

4. The client can feel hurt, ashamed, and/or fearful. “I like my therapist. I know she cares about me, and I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but I still want to try Reiki. What if she cries or gets mad and refuses to see me again and do that one thing with my foot that makes my whole leg feel good?”

Although most of us have “sensitive” days, and we can find ourselves forming close relationships with regular clients, the primary goal is STILL the client’s welfare and what is best for her. Frankly, sometimes a client’s healing journey requires that she try several things to find out what works best for her, and too much drama around this can be rather counter-productive. And intentionally or unintentionally sending the client on a guilt trip is definitely not healing and can even cause a client who would have come back decide to stay away after all. Besides, it’s often extremely beneficial for a client to have more than one therapist; for example, the client may have more than one special issue or need massage at a time when one therapist is unavailable.

So when it comes to referrals to other massage therapists, I find it useful to ground myself in my own strengths and not to take the process personally, even if my inner child occasionally wants to blurt out “Don’t you love me anymore?” Because I have found that if I open myself up to the universe in a giving way, even giving of income or clientele, etc.—then it DOES come back to ME as a blessing—in sometimes strange and wonderful ways.